The Silent Career Killer: 10 Ways Chronic People Pleasing Holds You Back
- Judy Sims
- Apr 22
- 3 min read
Amanda is a delight. Everyone thinks so. She’s kind and considerate and really cares about the people she works with. Her co-workers know they can count on Amanda to help them out when they’re in a bind. She’ll take on extra projects, work late, and join whatever committee they need her to join. She doesn’t rock the boat. She doesn’t push back. She doesn’t question. She goes along to get along.
Earlier in her career, these attributes were a plus. Her bosses loved her can-do attitude and willingness to go the extra mile. But now that she’s in her late thirties, Amanda is noticing her career isn’t progressing as quickly as her peers. In fact, sometimes she’s given the responsibility of someone in a more senior position (mentoring younger team members, filling in when the boss is away) without actually getting the title and money of that position.
While she’s still very much willing to do the hard work, it seems her superiors don’t yet see her as able to lead.
What’s going on?
The hard truth is, Amanda’s chronic people pleasing is no longer serving her. In fact, it’s sabotaging her career.
While wanting to be liked and helpful are generally positive traits, when taken to an extreme, they can definitely hinder career growth.
Here are 10 ways people-pleasing behavior can negatively impact your career:
Taking on too much and burning out: Saying "yes" to every request, even when you're already overloaded, leads to stress, exhaustion, and decreased productivity. This can ultimately harm the quality of your work and your overall well-being, making you less effective in the long run.
Difficulty prioritizing your own tasks: When you're focused on meeting everyone else's needs, your own critical tasks and deadlines can get pushed to the back burner. This can lead to missed opportunities and a failure to achieve your own goals.
Being seen as a pushover and not taken seriously: If you consistently prioritize others' needs over your own and avoid expressing dissenting opinions, colleagues and superiors might perceive you as lacking assertiveness and not having strong convictions. This can make it harder to be taken seriously or considered for important projects and promotions.
Stifled creativity and innovation: Fear of disappointing others or rocking the boat can prevent you from sharing new ideas or challenging the status quo. This can limit your contribution to the team and hinder your professional growth.
Damaged relationships due to resentment: While you might think people-pleasing builds strong relationships, constantly sacrificing your own needs can lead to internal resentment. This can eventually surface in your interactions, creating tension and damaging the very relationships you were trying to cultivate.
Lack of clear boundaries and exploitation: When you don't set boundaries, others may unknowingly (or knowingly) take advantage of your willingness to help. This can lead to you being assigned tasks that are outside your responsibilities or being constantly interrupted, hindering your ability to focus on your core work.
Missed opportunities for growth and advancement: People-pleasers often avoid self-promotion or asking for what they deserve, fearing it might be perceived negatively. This can result in missed opportunities for recognition, raises, promotions, and challenging assignments that could boost their career.
Reduced confidence and self-esteem: Constantly seeking external validation and prioritizing others' opinions over your own can erode your self-confidence and belief in your abilities. This can make you hesitant to take risks or pursue new challenges.
Inability to provide constructive feedback: Fear of upsetting others can make it difficult to deliver honest and critical feedback, even when it's necessary for improvement. This can hinder team performance and your own development as a leader or mentor.
Being perceived as inauthentic: Overly accommodating behavior can sometimes come across as insincere or manipulative. People may sense that you're not being genuine, which can damage trust and rapport in professional relationships.
It's time to break your people pleasing habit. And we’ll talk about that, next week!
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