My client Michelle’s boss retired. His direct reports were four highly competent, experienced, get-shit-done kind of women. All four of them delivered. All of their projects landed. All of their targets were hit. Their performance reviews contained words such as “reliable” and “strong” and “exceeds expectations”. All of them applied for his job. Two got interviews. None of them got the job. Instead, an outsider was brought in (also a woman, so this wasn’t a sexism thing). How

You know the drill. Man Assertive Passionate Confident Uncompromising Persuasive Ambitious Bold Thorough Pragmatic Shrewd Negotiator Collaborative Empathetic Quietly Mindful Protective of Team Liked and Respected Woman Aggressive Overly Invested Full of Herself Difficult Calculating Power Hungry Uncontrolled Nitpicky Too Operational Demanding Indecisive Soft Lacks Executive Presence Mothering Liked or Respected That bottom row is the kicker. Men can be liked and respected. Wo

My client Kelly works at a large tech company. On her last performance review, she received the highest score possible, one that only a handful of employees receive globally. Kelly is fantastic with clients, can see the big picture as well as the tactical way to get there, is great at mentoring and supporting colleagues and is just delightful to be around. No wonder she exceeds her targets every year. And yet. Kelly was overlooked for promotion for three years straight. She b

Nobody gossips. Just ask around. Every single person you work with will tell you, hand on heart, that they are not a gossip. They just like to "stay informed." They "have good relationships across the business." Someone "mentioned something to them in confidence" and they're "still processing it." Meanwhile, researchers at UC Riverside strapped recording devices to 467 people and listened to how they actually talk. The average person spends about 52 minutes a day talking abou

My first boss was an 18-year-old manager at a shop called Suzy Shier. Shawna was smart, observant, and a great coach. But most importantly, she was a master communicator. I always knew exactly what was expected of me and she didn’t hesitate to give praise or performance improvement suggestions. Fifteen-year-old me had no idea how good I had it. Since then, I've had a succession of astoundingly poor communicators. One said "no" to anything slightly risky, but without an explan

Do you suck at truly disconnecting while on vacation? Yeah, me too. Does this sound familiar? You've finally booked the time off, the flights are paid for, and the out-of-office is on. But somewhere in the back of your mind, a quieter plan is already running: how many times a day you'll "just quickly check" your inbox from a beach chair, a hotel lobby, a rental car. Maybe you'll leave the Slack notifications on, just in case something comes up. Oh, and that meeting your boss

My client Amanda delivers. Something's about to blow up? Amanda will handle it. And she'll do it without complaint. Her team runs smoothly. Her stakeholders not only trust her, but flat out couldn't live without her. She gets results. She steps up. She solves problems. All with an unflappability that makes it look like she was born to do her job. And that's the problem. She's too good at her job. And it's costing her. This is the Capable Executor profile. It's one of the most

I have blonde hair, big eyes, and big boobs. There’s a lot of privilege that comes with being a WASPy woman, but there’s also a considerable downside. When people first meet me, they often assume I’m stupid. It’s happened since I first stepped into a corporate office as a 25-year-old marketing analyst. Of course, the man who started the same week as me didn’t start at the same place as me. He was at “seems sharp, let’s see what he does.” He got the benefit of the doubt before

Stop treating your reputation as something that simply happens to you and start treating it as something you actively manage.

For the past two years, my client Vivian has been trying to get two new hires approved for her search marketing team. Her team is stretched waaaaay too thin. Their work is relentless, highly specialized, meticulous, and let’s face it, not all that glamorous (which means they don't get a lot of recognition in the organization). In short, they are highly effective invisible workhorses who are currently running on fumes. A few weeks ago, I received an emergency call from Vivian

My client Tracy has been in her role for 4 years. She’s great at her job and everyone knows it. She’s a classic capable executor. But the last two times a senior position opened up, it was filled by someone brought in from outside. HR has lots of advice for her about “continued development opportunities”. Her boss tells her to “keep doing what you’re doing”. Tracy has a colleague who did finally get promoted after 6 years in her role. But the pay increase wasn’t what she expe

I once had a job where in a span of two years, I had 6 different bosses. Three of those bosses overlapped, as in I had three bosses at the same time because someone decided a matrix structure was a good idea. It wasn’t. Two of the bosses were aligned against the third. Opposing priorities, conflicting personalities, power battles and turf wars became a part of my daily life. Both sides demanded my loyalty. To be honest, neither side deserved it. I walked the line between the

Back in my corporate days, I had a very complicated relationship with feedback. At best, I found it frustrating and unsatisfying. At worst, it was completely baffling. So, to be perfectly honest, I avoided it. And I most certainly didn’t ask for it. I always felt this was my own personal failing. We’re supposed to crave feedback! We’re supposed to cherish it! Mine it for gold! Why didn’t I see its value? But then, I would go to my after-work ballet class. There, I was constan

Miriam is a Director of Marketing at a mid-size tech company. After weeks of preparation, she presented a campaign proposal to the leadership team. It was well-researched, well-scoped, and the room respond well. Her VP gives it a verbal green light at the end of the meeting. Miriam leaves feeling good. The next morning, she gets a two-line email. The initiative is on hold pending "further budget review." What happened? The Head of Finance (who was in that meeting, said nothin

When I was 27 years old, I was a junior member of the marketing team at a large newspaper company. The VP of Marketing wanted to promote reading our Sunday paper as a “slow, relaxing, weekend experience.” He was in his 50s. So was the head of the boutique advertising firm he hired to create the ad campaign. They were golfing buddies or something. The campaign slogan was “Spread Out Sunday”. It featured people with the newspaper dissected into its multiple sections, spread out

More than two decades ago, I was at a young employee’s bridal shower when her mother pulled me aside. She wanted to tell me about how when Katie was a teenager, she’d come home from school every afternoon and just… do things. The kitchen floor would be mopped. The bath towels magically washed and folded. There was never any announcement or ask for credit. Katie simply saw what needed doing and did it. For a working mom holding everything together, it was invaluable. Katie’s

You know it and I know it: you are good at your job. You have the track record. You have the results. You’ve probably been told — more than once — that you’re “ready.” And yet, here you are. Still at Director. Still watching colleagues get promoted past you. Still getting vague feedback that doesn’t tell you a damn thing about what’s actually in your way. Here’s what I need you to hear: you are not the problem. What’s happening to you has a shape. It has patterns. And once yo

Not too long ago, a new friend and I came to the hilarious realization that we had both worked for the same difficult boss at some point in our careers. We laughed and laughed as we compared and contrasted: How did you handle him when he... Did he ever tell you to... How did you survive????? It was a funny moment. But neither of us found it remotely funny when we were working for him. You know the situation. Your boss is disorganized, conflict-avoidant, takes credit for your

I had quite a few mentors early in my career. They were lovely people who saw something in me and were willing to spend time guiding and advising whenever I asked. I was even a part of a mentorship group where a few of us women met once per month to talk about our careers. I will always value the effort they made and the kindness they showed. The thing is though, none of those mentors had the power to actually get me promoted. Who did? My sponsors. Those were the people in se

I remember the first time I saw office politics in action. I was 25 years old and in my first real job as a marketing analyst at a newspaper company. I was thrilled to be invited to a meeting where senior leaders were discussing how to position the paper for the 21 st century (yes, I’m that old). The advertising department had their view, the newsroom had their view, the circulation department had their view, and there was a lot of fascinating conversation. Then the publish