What to Do When No One Wants to Hear What You're Saying

A long time ago, in my thirties, I had the unenviable job of VP Digital at a newspaper company. It was a frustrating gig. I along with every other VP Digital I knew at various other newspapers could see before us the inevitable disruption caused by social media, smart phones, and online marketplaces and shopping. What we couldn’t do, is get our fellow newspaper executives to see it too. One senior executive told me the Internet was a fad – in 2009! Another had never searched for or purchased a product online. None of them had social media presences. They didn’t get the internet and didn’t think it was worth the effort. In my view, it was like the executive team at GM not knowing how to drive.

I and my fellow frustrated VP Digitals wrote memos. We put together PowerPoint decks. We wrote blog posts. We brought in expert speakers. All in an effort to have them see what we saw. And yet, no one would listen.

And now, 16 years later, that newspaper I worked for is a shadow of its former self, struggling on the daily to keep its head above water.

It’s a tragedy.

I wish I knew then what I know now. Maybe I could have shifted them.

It can be incredibly frustrating to be in a work situation where you need to communicate a specific message, but it feels like you’re hitting a brick wall. Perhaps you’re championing a new, unpopular policy, advocating for a difficult change, or delivering unwelcome news. In these scenarios, staying on message isn't just about repetition; it's about strategic communication, resilience, and empathy.

The Challenge: When Your Message is Met with Resistance

Perhaps you’ve had a similar experience as I did. You meticulously crafted your talking points, anticipated objections, and rehearsed your delivery. Yet, when you finally spoke, you were met with blank stares, eye-rolls, or outright hostility. This resistance can stem from various sources: fear of the unknown, comfort with the status quo, personal agendas, or simply a lack of understanding. The temptation might be to give up, dilute your message, or lash out. However, succumbing to these impulses will only further undermine your objective.

Here are some strategies for staying on message

1. Understand the "Why" Behind the Resistance: Don't just dismiss negative reactions. And don’t assume you know what they’re thinking. Instead, try to understand their root cause. It’s often something you didn’t see coming. Is it fear of job loss? An increase in workload? A perceived threat to their established routines? Once you identify the underlying concerns, you can tailor your message to address them directly. This doesn't mean changing your message, but rather framing it in a way that acknowledges and validates their feelings, even if you don't agree with their conclusions. Active listening is crucial here.

2. Acknowledge Feelings: It's easy to get defensive when your message is unwelcome. Instead, lead with empathy. Start by acknowledging the difficulty or discomfort your audience might be feeling. Phrases like, "I understand this might be challenging to hear," or "I know this represents a significant shift," can disarm resistance and open a pathway for your message to be heard. Empathy doesn't mean agreeing with their opposition, but rather demonstrating that you understand their perspective.

3. Recruit Allies: You don't have to carry the burden alone. Identify colleagues who understand and support your message, even if they're not overtly vocal. Enlist them to help disseminate the information, answer questions, and provide a positive perspective. A united front can be far more effective than a solitary voice.

4.Have the Heaven and Hell Conversation: While acknowledging immediate concerns, continually tie your message back to the broader, long-term benefits for the team, department, or organization (the heaven). Conversely, subtly highlight the potential negative consequences of not embracing the message (the hell), not as a threat, but as a realistic outcome.

5. Be Patient and Persistent: Change takes time, especially when it involves shifting deeply ingrained perspectives. Don't expect a single conversation to magically transform opinions. Be prepared for multiple interactions, repeated explanations, and ongoing resistance. However, there's a fine line between persistence and becoming a nuisance. Tailor your follow-ups to be helpful and informative, not aggressive or badgering.

None of this is easy. Staying on message when faced with resistance requires more than just conviction; it demands strategic thinking, emotional intelligence, and unwavering commitment. You may not be fully successful the first time, or the second time, but over time, you will get better at the art of influence.

So, keep at it! Success is possible.