Beauty in the Workplace: Walking the Tightrope

GUEST POST by ALI MILLER, The Ethical Aesthete

Have you ever agonized over an interview outfit? Thought twice about mascara at work? Skipped a pencil skirt that could alert colleagues you've been doing squats?

Oh, hi. You must be a woman.

I know because I'm a woman, too.

I too have made the thousand quiet, sometimes even subconscious, calculations about putting my "best foot forward" — from how far forward to whether that shoe is too sexy for work.

Why are we doing this? Are we simply vain, fickle, deluded about beauty's power? I don't think so. We're observant, even wise.

Multiple studies show that women are disproportionately judged by appearance, that how we dress impacts our performance, and — perhaps most maddeningly — that attractiveness privileges us in the workplace, but only up to a point. Then it penalizes us.

This makes how we present professionally feel like a tightrope. One wrong step in either direction can cost us.

Why I Care

Through my company The Ethical Aesthete, I help women dress with more clarity, confidence, and compassion in the workplace and beyond. Wrangling with the ethics of beauty standards, double standards, and our own standards for living our values is serious business to me.

Many clients hire me to help them build an authentic, strategic work wardrobe. I also give talks about this, rooted in my experience as a stylist, executive, and extensive psychological research.

Caveats and Confessions

So how are we defining attractiveness here? That varies by study. For this post, just use your own understanding of what society has deemed conventionally attractive.

I also want to acknowledge that these studies simply measure phenomena related to appearance in the workplace. It may be useful for us to encounter them, but we can and should assess the justness of those dynamics.

Of course, we are all deserving of respect, professionalism, and opportunity, regardless of our appearance.

My size has fluctuated from 0-16, and the world has received me with notable differences as my body changed. I know both sides of the tightrope.

I think back on the professional experiences of my 20s. In almost every job, I navigated unwanted attention. This was a shock. For a time, I dressed androgynously at work and skipped the lipstick as a result.

I was trying to find an invisibility cloak, to control what I could immediately control. But I knew my colleagues were responsible for their own behavior, and that I shouldn't have to obscure whatever amount of beauty the world ascribed to me to have peace in my workplace.

I remember two female mentors at a job in my 30s telling me, "Just wait until you're invisible." I couldn't tell if they were warning me or comforting me, but it felt true.

Now I'm in a fashion-adjacent industry that greatly privileges thinness, youth, and beauty—as a middle-aged, not especially slim woman.

I'll confess: as much as I truly believe every single one of my clients is beautiful, I sometimes get shy about this for myself and want to shrink back from the public-facing aspects of my business. But what message would that send to my community and to other women? That I don't deserve to take up space if my body takes up a certain amount of space? No, that can't be. So I push myself to walk the tightrope—even if I demand more comfortable shoes these days.

Know that I'm sending you solidarity wherever you are on that delicate walk.

The Research on Professional Privileges of Being Attractive

According to research, attractive people are more likely to get hired, make more money, and ascend to prestigious jobs 15 years post-MBA.

Pretty privilege—we know it exists. But what's the downside?

It's there, and according to the research, it's only for women.

The Research on Professional Perils of Being Attractive

Attractive women applying for positions perceived as masculine (which, unfortunately, are often managerial roles) are penalized. (Studies here and here.)

Also, attractive women are rated less truthful and more deserving of termination. The female researchers who conducted this study call this the "Femme Fatale Effect".

Women wearing more masculine business attire (think a traditional menswear-inspired suit) or with more masculine faces are rated more competent. However, if women seem "too" masculine in facial features, their competence ratings decline again.

I suspect part of the penalty for being attractive has to do with navigating the potential resentment of rejected paramours in the workplace. This can make us more cautious about one-on-one networking meals, which could certainly impact our careers. A brilliant client told me a horror story about being invited to a group networking dinner, only to arrive and discover her inviter alone, attempting to dupe his way into a date. I've had several negative experiences with business meals myself. How can we network freely with experiences like this?

Attractive women may face hostility from other women as well. I hate reading about this the most, but one study asked female subjects to rate the likability of female "political candidates." The makeup-free faces were rated more likable.

So it seems it's helpful to be pretty, but not too pretty.

We feel like we're walking a tightrope because we are.

I suppose it's reassuring that what we know in our bones is measurable by scientific rigor. But it's sad too. We didn't imagine it. The world actually is this way.

However, there's power in knowing the rules of the tightrope. Each of us decides how much we're willing and able to play by them. Some of us will decide to break the rules. And some of us will have the power to rewrite them entirely.

If we acknowledge our own biases, evaluate candidates on their words and actions alone, offer mentorship, and give each other grace, we can change that tightrope we've all been walking.

It can become a balance beam, then a deck, then an open field.

Just think how free the girls of tomorrow will run.

—-

About Ali Miller

Ali Miller is the founder and CEO of The Ethical Aesthete. She has taught hundreds of women how to dress themselves with greater clarity, confidence, and compassion. 

A frequent speaker, Ali leads sessions on curating an authentic, strategic work wardrobe, rooted in psychological research on enclothed cognition. 

As a personal stylist, she has perfect ratings across review platforms and is proud to serve women advancing in their careers, busy executives, and public figures alike. She works with clients in-person on the east coast and virtually across the U.S. and Canada.

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