Let's Talk About All the Stupid Reasons You Feel Guilty

These days, to keep myself from doomscrolling in the evenings, I like to play a video game called Sneaky Sasquatch. Sasquatch spends his days fishing and mushroom hunting and sometimes puts in a shift as an emergency room doctor. He also has a dog who does tricks and hunts for truffles. It’s a lovely, low stakes game that makes me happy.

The other evening though, I caught myself feeling guilty for feeding Sasquatch’s dog (I’ve named her Daisy) too many burgers and fries and not enough healthy fish and vegetables. That’s right. I was feeling guilty about what I’ve been feeding a pretend, digital dog.

Let that sink in.

Since then, I’ve noticed all the other stupid things I feel guilty about on a daily basis. For example, my cuticles are ragged, and I don’t know how to fix them. Guilt. I ate two squares of chocolate after dinner instead of just one. Guilt. I tried to hold the elevator for a neighbour but pressed the door close button instead of the door open button. Guilt. I had a migraine on Friday and had to reschedule a lovely, very understanding client. Major guilt. And now that I’m in perimenopause, sometimes I feel guilty, and I don’t even remember why. It’s just there. Guilt.

Think of how much energy I’m wasting, feeling all this guilt about so many stupid things.

How about you?

• Do you feel guilty about taking a day off, even if you’re sick?

• Do you feel guilty about delegating tasks at work?

• Do you feel guilty if you spend the evening watching Netflix rather than doing laundry, meal prepping, learning another language…

• Do you feel guilty about not seeing your equally busy friends enough?

• Do you feel guilty about not being happy all the time?

• Do you feel guilty for taking time for yourself?

And sisters in the motherhood, I see you. Ain’t no guilt like a mother’s guilt because a mother’s guilt just don’t stop.

What are we doing to ourselves?

Guilt erodes our sense of self-worth and happiness. It creates feelings of anxiety, sadness, and low self-esteem, making it difficult to find joy in daily life.

The emotional toll of guilt can have direct physiological consequences. When you feel that pang of guilt, your body's stress response system is activated, leading to an increase in cortisol levels, which, over time, can contribute to a range of health issues. Chronic guilt can manifest as physical symptoms, including headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and digestive problems.

Ugh. You've got enough going on. You don't need all this too.

Now before you start feeling guilty about your guilt, let’s do something about it!

1. Notice your guilt.

Keep a note on your phone where you track each time you feel a pang of guilt throughout the day. You might feel guilty about a wide variety of things, or just one thing that keeps coming back to haunt you. Either way, I bet you’ll be surprised by how often you feel guilty in a single day.

2. Let go of the stupid stuff.

Challenge the guilt narrative. That inner voice telling you what you “should” be doing is very often wrong.

Should I feel guilty about what I feed a digital dog? No. The extra chocolate? No. How about the elevator mistake? No. Or even rescheduling the client? No – I would have been useless to her if we had proceeded with our session.

3. Take responsibility where you can.

My sister’s birthday is 3 days away. I have not put her gift in the mail and seeing as she lives several time zones away, it won’t arrive on time. I will call her on the day and apologize. She will laugh because neither of us ever gets the other’s gift to them on time.

4. Forgive yourself.

You are human. You make mistakes and you will never be perfect. But you are lovely and amazing anyway. Even if your cuticles are a little ragged.

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