How to Break the Insist-Resist Doom Loop

Katie has a great idea. She’s vetted it with a few of her colleagues, and they agree – there’s something there, and it could be a big win for the company. She should put together a plan and then pitch it to the senior leadership team. Katie’s excited. This could be her chance to make a real impact at work and perhaps even get a promotion.

But something weird is going on. Every time she sits down to write the plan, something arises within her. Fear. Resistance. Struggle. She pushes through, but after an hour or two, looks at her work and isn’t happy with it. No one’s going to approve her plan. Who is she kidding?

Rachita has stepped away from a big law firm to create her own practice where she can serve clients better and have a healthy work/life balance. She’s proud of her decision and excited to get started, but for some reason, she just can’t seem to do the business development work required to attract new clients. She knows she needs to do it. But when she forces herself to sit down to write an email, something arises within her. Fear. Resistance. Struggle. The wording of the email is never right. She never hits the send button.

So, what’s going on with Katie and Rachita?

Well, they’re locked in the insist-resist doom loop. They force themselves to do something (insist) and then fear arises and paralyses them (resist). Think of it as a treadmill. They force themselves to get on, run and run, but never actually get anywhere. All they get is struggle. And their initial vision is lost.

Sound familiar?

Yeah, to me too.

Insist, resist. Resist, insist. Let’s call the whole thing off.

Or better yet, let's break the doom loop.

Here’s how to break the insist-resist doom loop.

Step 1: Gain clarity.

Return to your vision. Is it aligned with who you are? Is it exciting enough? Does it truly matter to you? If so, re-connect with it. What will a successful outcome bring to your life? How will things be different? What will be possible from this new place?

If you find you’re not particularly connected to your initial vision, it may be time for a rethink. I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve worked with who have been struggling to reach a goal they don’t actually care about that much, or at least enough to warrant the hard work to get there.

So, ask yourself, do you actually want to achieve your goal? Or do you just think you should want to achieve your goal?

Step 2: Give your inner perfectionist a break.

When you’re in the insist-resist doom loop, it’s easy to come to the conclusion that something is wrong with you. That you don’t have what it takes, or that you are somehow deficient. Allow me to assure you that you are in no way deficient. You’re just unfolding. And that means mistakes will be made. And learning will happen.

Not every email has to be a work of great literature. Not every deliverable has to be unquestionably flawless. Sometimes, you will be told no. And that’s okay, because no is normal. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your idea.

Embrace the notion that it’s not that you don’t have what it takes, it’s just that you’re not there yet. But you can be eventually, with focus, self-compassion, and consistency.

And that brings me to step 3.

Step 3: Create momentum with the “3 Things” method.

Choose 3 things. Choose a timeline. Do the things.

What are the 3 things you can do either this hour, this day, or this week (never go longer than a week) that will move you closer to your goal?

The three things can be as big or as little as you want. Some days, just sending 3 emails will be enough. Some days, it will be a strategy session, a proposal document, and an after-work yoga class to help you clear your mind.

Either way, there’s momentum.

And before you know it, the doom loop is broken.

You’re in a state of flow. And things get done.

Well helloooo there! Like what you see here? We'd love to have you as a member of the Expansive Woman Project. We provide content, courses, and community designed to help you take charge of your career. Membership is free, and always will be!

Click here to join now!